Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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