I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
