I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
