i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
is it fun? or sober?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize