Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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