did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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