with your own penis?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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