flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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