Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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