I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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