I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
