and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
