I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
