Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize