Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
