I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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