I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
