i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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