I just saw a hot homeless man
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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