i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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