I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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