you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
