i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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