was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
