ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize