the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
