She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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