they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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