Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
