watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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