I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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