last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.