I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
