Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
