I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just tell him i said nine months
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo