He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
