Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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