It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
