I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
