You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
