I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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