Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You don't make any sense
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