I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
