How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
