Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
