i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
