The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.