I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body