Porn is love you can see.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.