Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
