Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween