I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila