he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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