Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
40s are totally the cure
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...