WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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