There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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