dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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