I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
