i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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