dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
