Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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