woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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