i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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