You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
