The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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