i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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