Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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