i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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