I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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