I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think i have two assholes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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