Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
