She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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