why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
