do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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