In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
