sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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