Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
