I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
