Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
