i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
