u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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