So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
