Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
