the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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